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Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Motherhood State of Mind...

The early months of being a mother are fraught with nerves.

 If I give her a pacifier will we ever be able to break the habit?
Is the swaddle too tight? Can she breath?
Crib? Bassinet? Co-sleeping?
Rock baby to sleep or will that ruin her for self-soothing?

I mean literally the list could go on and on and on and on and on and on. But I don't think my fingers have enough endurance to type the long list of worries that cross a new mom's mind. 

I remember getting to the point where I drove three times as long to a grocery store just to find organic avocados because I was afraid if I gave her conventionally grown avocados the pesticides could be harmful to her developing brain.
oh. my. word.
We have driven ourselves IN SANE. 

But as the journey of motherhood continues and our babies grow there comes a point where we're not quite so worried (though still adequately worried enough thankyouverymuch). We've officially let the are-you-seriously-letting-me-take-this-baby-home-from-the-hospital-I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing state of mind and successfully graduated into The Motherhood State of Mind. 

You know you've entered The Motherhood State of Mind  when...

1) You laugh at the days you used to sanitize the baby's pacifier when it fell on the floor outside her crib because now you'll let her eat whatever crumbs have fallen on the kitchen floor. We like to call this "building my child's immunity". 

2) Your car's CD player now boasts a stimulating collection of VeggieTales, Lullabies, and The Little Mermaid. And you have no earthly idea what the rest of society is listening to these days. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star...

3) You change your clothes when you get baby poop on them. But pee, eh why bother changing till the end of the day because no one can see a pee stain like they can a poop stain. 

4) Your jeans are no longer "low rise". Things just...they just aren't tight there anymore.

5) You begin to wonder why on earth you ever carried a purse in your pre-child days. Now you carry a bag stocked with puffs, crackers, sippy cup, paci, toys, diapers, wipes. The only items that could qualify as yours in that bag- your cell phone, wallet, and keys- are really actually toys in last ditch efforts for entertainment when your child begins to melt down in public. We've all been there. 

5) A friend asks you to meet them last minute and you think "Last minute, I have to plan all day like a military siege just to be able to wash my hair before noon." 

6)) Nothing scares you. You've handled the worst of poops...might have even gotten some on your clothes. Again, nothing scares you after that experience.

7) Your skills at blocking out noise are superior. 

8) You don't blink at the word "nipple".

9) You can calculate the cost per diaper across a variety of brands, box and bag sizes, and stores. You know exactly where the cheapest diapers are sold and exactly which ones do and don't let the infamous blow-outs escape.  

10) You talk about yourself in the third person, refer to yourself as "mommy" and your husband as "daddy". You swore up and down you'd never ever do that. Opps. 

Oh, motherhood, how you have changed me. To think I went from wearing stylish pee and poop free clothes, to sanitizing everything that came within a 20 foot radius of the baby like a mad woman, to letting my child eat dropped raisins and Cherrios off the floor. Heck, I've actually been known to encourage her to eat the Cherrios off the floor - if it keeps her busy for 5 minutes so I can finish dinner. 

Welcome to the club, baby. 


Kadee Cramer said...

#8 is everything. Too funny!

I'll need to look back at this when I'm stressing over my baby. (when she gets here!)

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